Australian builders and expensive violins

BeatNik

DJohn Mustard Project
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Two little stories (cos i'm bored):

Three australian builders; Steve, Wayne and Bluey are working on the building site when suddenly there's a crash and Steve has fallen from the scaffolding and impaled himself on a lamppost...

Wayne (to Bluey): Shit, I think Steve's dead... Someone's gonna have to go and tell his wife
Bluey: I'll go... I feel that Steve's wife will need someone caring like me to break the news.
Wayne: You sound like the man for the Job!

So bluey leaves the building site...
He returns a couple of hours later holding a crate of Fosters.

Wayne (to Bluey): How'd ya get that crate of Fosters?
Bluey: Steve's wife gave it to me.
Wayne: But... I mean... He's just died, why'd she give you a crate of foster's..
Bluey: Well, When she opened the door I said: "you must be Steve's widow" to which she replied "I'm not a widow"...
So i said:... "i bet a crate of Foster's you are"




A street in olden italy... The three greatest violin making families, Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri have set up their shops there...
There is intsense competition between the makers, when suddenly Guarneri puts up a sign outside the shop saying:
"Guarneri - the best Violins in the world"
Amati have to compete, and so a sign is plonked outside the Amati shop saying:
"Amati - the best violins in the whole Universe"
The next day Amati and Guarneri return and stand in horror in front of the Stradivarius shop.. on which a sign has been places saying:
"Stradivarius - the best violins on this street"

:Smile3:
 

Squagnut

There's a gnu in my squat
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That second one reminds me of a Myles NagCopaleen story:

In a small provincial town are two clothes shops, classy places. The competition between them is fierce. One day one of the shops puts up a hoarding around the shop front. The tension mounted as everyone wondered what was happening. Then, after three days the hoarding came down - and there, resplendant, was a gleaming Latin motto done in gold paint. It read:

MENS SANA IN CORPORE SANO​

The other shop took it badly, especially as this sign made all the difference - scarcely a soul would go to any other shop than the one with the gleaming Latin motto. But the owner of the second shop was a wily customer. And so, soon the hoarding went up in front of his shop. You could hear a pin drop, the place was that excited. And then a few days later, the hoarding came down, and it was clear who was the winner. For there was another golden motto...

MENS AND WOMENS SANA IN CORPORE SANO​
 
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