Top 10 CD blurbs

mad ron

Member
would be a top ten but I don't have time so here is the number one all time weird and useless CD blurb from the creative vacuum that is Spun Records:

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture.We are...

...controlling transmission.

If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We can reduce the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to...

The Outer Limits"

erm...anyone still reading...didn't think so.

I read these stinking blurbs on psyshop and CHaos all the time. Thought it would be nice to have somewhere to post them for ridicule.
 

damion

Pound Shop Alex Petridis
GMS, emergency broadcast system

With their huge success and big fan base, G.M.S. are known for their cutting edge dance music and unique style.
 

mad ron

Member
israeli zaikadelic records was born to support electronic psychedelic music on planet earth.

brand spanking new dance floor approved tracks to form a strong storyline suitable for parties of one and thousand of psyche travellers.

sense the smell of the dusty tarmac as you are slowly raising to stand up on your knees. the alarming ambience in the horizon seems almost like a song, like a soundtrack of the riot - the time of when the people calls it a day and says: enough. this is the soundtrack of the phenomenon where people are uniting to become one, struggling to make the world a little bit better place to live in. let everyone take part of the global wake up call and let's together send a powerful statement to the ignorant leaders. this disc's filled with sonic activism blending more aggressive grooves with atmospherically passages; influences from all kinds of styles are being fusioned with some good old buttslappin' distortion. take a bassplayer from a hardcore band who's a former scratch-dj and activist: blend him into a studio enthusiast and hold him as one of the responsibles for the devils mind hurricane- and - this is what you get. vegetal is the brainchild of peter temezian, a project who's dedicated to exploring political aggressive grooves, filled with crazy excursions, punchlines of parody and a sharp nail in the eye at the establishment. forget the talk about "setting new standards" and all that - if you are looking for something different here's the grassroot concept you've been waiting for.. united we let the revolution begin…
 

mr_faster

ecomingonecomingonstrong
i hate all the yoguht weaver ones.....ITS A CD, not an intergalatic portal to another dimension!

playing it out a big soundsystem is not gonna turn the rig into the stargate! :Grin:
 

mr_faster

ecomingonecomingonstrong
mad ron said:
sense the smell of the dusty tarmac as you are slowly raising to stand up on your knees. the alarming ambience in the horizon seems almost like a song, like a soundtrack of the riot - the time of when the people calls it a day and says: enough. this is the soundtrack of the phenomenon where people are uniting to become one..................more pap.....

thats from the new Vegetal album - free thinkers are dangerous
 

lurk

Stunning Cunt
this one made me laugh (particularly the bit in italics), they makes some pretty bold claims :Wink3:

Definitely setting the tune for 2006, "Psytrance is Dead" is a true expression of pure psychedellic music for the night time. With an incredible energy and brain twisting production, Baphomet Engine and Datakult are giving us amazing lesson about psy-trance and
what it really is! Far away from fluffy dance music and repetitive binary beats, the music is ALIVE!

10 Exclusives Tracks from Baphomet Engine and Datakult! Including Remixes and VS...

Psytrance is Dead! is born of a wish from the Baphomet Engine to collaborate with Datakult on a special concept: Let go of everything and be free to push the music to the extremes you want. Since both project really appreciate each others, they decided to put their energies and talent together to produce and write together what is defining new levels in psychedelic night music.

Baphomet Engine and Datakult are today's major figures of the underground psychedelic scenes. The music they have been producing is taking many of us to spaces and levels we did not even expect to reach...This split album confirms their natural talents and super creativity. Taking a different path, avoiding any «cliché», fighting against the system to free your mind through true psychedelic sounds. Today, «Psytrance» is being used, miss-used and abused, this special release will definitely open your mind to alternative psychedelic levels while you dance 'till dawn to celebrate and enjoy all together the true meaning of trance music.
 

mad ron

Member
Red five said:
holy shit henry are you winding me up?

thats not real.

i refuse to accept it.

nope copy pasted from the website of your much acclaimed former employers paul.

Lurk: a thousand thankyous for that gem.
 

Red five

jah mangled spanner
mad ron said:
nope copy pasted from the website of your much acclaimed former employers paul.

Lurk: a thousand thankyous for that gem.

*reaches for wire wool and bottle of vim*
 

mr_faster

ecomingonecomingonstrong
lurk said:
Baphomet Engine and Datakult are today's major figures of the underground psychedelic scenes....

i personally dont rate baphomet engine, their tunes are a bit bland and lacking, full of random screaming etc, but maybe should check out their new album see if they have got any better! according to their claims it should be the best psy album ever released! :irofl:
 

JohnM

blah blah blah
I'd be curious as to how realistic blurb would affect sales

"another so-so full on album with a few mid set playable tracks and a lot of filler"
 

mad ron

Member
SO I thought I'd have a go at making one up just for fun as I have been working really hard and I want a break.

Various Artists "Commercial is to be Crap" Premier Cru Recordings

The CD Psy Classic of 2006 is here!!!! !!!!!

It is early morning in the psy-world and all over the kingdom of trans dynamic mixed metaphors ears are being turned to the sound. It is a sound of awake.
Take the shining lozenge of spiritual digits and place it in your home actualising console. 5.4.3.2.1. Blast off!!!!! AND WE MEAN BLAST!!!!!

Here brought for you in the spirit of transendance are 9 absolute psychedelic explosive bombs to make the party go boom.

Too often the spirit of capitalist global terror punctures our spirit globe through exploiting the minds of the chosen pixie people. We at premier cru records have selected 9 songs especial in they are made to put down capitalist music and replace it with pure spirit.

Relax, freak out and enjoy.


1. Klang Army - Hell is not for me please
2. Shit Collony - Mind over Mutter
3. Golipsy - The Terror Hell
4. Lex Luther - Angel Of Psy Help
5. Klang Army vs Golipsy - Krunk bithches of paradise
6. Darshan Weevils - Clip on Mitre
7. Spirit GOd - Health from Tabs
8. Disco valley Pirates - Show me where to psyne
9. Psiphilis - Scratch and sniff
10. Mama guru - Ambient Ending
 

mad ron

Member
JohnM said:
I'd be curious as to how realistic blurb would affect sales

"another so-so full on album with a few mid set playable tracks and a lot of filler"

"If you have a gig on the weekend and its paying over 100 quid then the cost of this mediocre rubbish will at least be partly eaten up by that. Track 8 is playable and the ambient track at the end sounds ok if you're drunk oh and track 4 causes instant enlightenment which is nice"
 

grokit23

God mintsmak
mad ron said:
9. Psiphilis - Scratch and sniff


:irofl:

Keep up the good work, though I think you've got a long way to go yet with your writing skills. I'd always thought that a good bit of press release blurb for a psy cd wasn't complete unless it showed complete disregard for English grammar and the actual meanings of words. It should always give the impression that it has been written by an illiterate fifteen year old in Tel Aviv, who has never actually attended a party yet and has translated the piece from Hebrew to English via Russian and Japanese using an online translation website.
 

intelligent_idiot

idiots usually appear...
mad ron said:
It is early morning in the psy-world and all over the kingdom of trans dynamic mixed metaphors ears are being turned to the sound. It is a sound of awake.
Take the shining lozenge of spiritual digits and place it in your home actualising console. 5.4.3.2.1. Blast off!!!!! AND WE MEAN BLAST!!!!!
....
Too often the spirit of capitalist global terror punctures our spirit globe through exploiting the minds of the chosen pixie people. We at premier cru records have selected 9 songs especial in they are made to put down capitalist music and replace it with pure spirit.

always knew you were full of shit henry!! a big fat thumb up to you!
 

mad ron

Member
wow...my sweet lord....these guys smashing the thread back open and making a strong bid for all time most weird pidgin tosh.

I especially like "a non-negotiable cyberdelic desideratum"



the divine essence of union on the dancefloor is merely fortified by the united essence of the following compilation release. proudly presented by two new-born international record labels osom music (moscow - singapore) and tantrumm records (new york - bombay), the cd unites the collaborative creations by two artists well known worldwide aka kin dza dza and psykovsky, and half of its contents is based on their superior amalgamation under the name of osom. appearing pretty hard, in a range of 150 - 160 bpm (though sometimes even higher) the compilation starts directly from kick & bass and for sure abounds with the plenty of mellifluous intros inside it. an exquisite craftsmanship, not less than 10 upbeat cyberdelic boosters brought to you by osom, kin dza dza and psykovsky together with cosmo and highko, kin dza dza together with energy loop and terranoise, osom with matutero, psykovsky with furious - rest and peace for all wicked - rust in peace for all deads - a non-negotiable cyberdelic desideratum, written in a popular manner for sure and to ensure our reasonable longevity. resplendent in a light digipak jacket, the cd is a styling product of extremely vigorous exercises for a graveyard shift, for a bower amusement, for a bugger all, and for the best price ever.
 

damion

Pound Shop Alex Petridis
mad ron said:
resplendent in a light digipak jacket, the cd is a styling product of extremely vigorous exercises for a graveyard shift, for a bower amusement, for a bugger all, and for the best price ever.
Genius.
 

Psy-Kwaai

Module/Organic Hybrid
mr_faster said:
i hate all the yoguht weaver ones.....ITS A CD, not an intergalatic portal to another dimension!

playing it out a big soundsystem is not gonna turn the rig into the stargate! :Grin:
LOL...too true....I like banging psy...fucking hippies...LOL.:irofl:
 
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