I tell you a joke.. You tell me a joke..

I know this great joke about Attention Deficit Disorder, been meaning to post it on here but I keep getting distracted before I can f
My girlfriend being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead
oooh and 1 more
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I couldn't find her head."
I just made up a terrible joke:

What did the psytrance kid say when his friend stole his toy? "Aummmmm...!"

one sunday, after a perticularly uplifting service, four nuns decide to take a country drive and revel in gods glorious creation.
sadly, they had a crash and were all killed.
at the pearly gates, st peter greets them and addresses the first nun,
"sister euphilia, have you ever touched a penis?"
"yes." she blushes, "when i was a child i touched the neighbours boy's willy with my finger."
"ok, just wash your finger in the holy water and in you go, wings, harp, heavenly host. all yours." he turns to the second nun.
"sister amelia, have you ever touced a penis?"
"yes, when i was in choir i gave one of the boys a hand job."
"oh, the frailty of the human spirit." he laments. "nevertheless, just wash your hand in the holy water and in you go."
"sister purifica, have you ever..."
at which point the forth nun elbows her way in front of st pete.
"st peter," says the forth nun, "i see how this is going and, frankly, if i'm gonna have to gargle that holy water,
i wanna do it before she has to wash her arse in it."

how do tell who're the trumbone players kids in a playground?
no idea how to use a slide and they can't swing.

(not a joke, just an anecdote) the trumbone section of the brighton and hove city orchestra send the viola section the same present every year - a perfect viola. ie. a shapeless, toneless block of wood.
A little baby polar bear goes up to his mum, and says: "Mum, mum, mum, Am I a real polar bear?"
To which his mother replies: "Of course you are, dear. You're my lovely little fluffy-wuffy baby polar bear."
The little polar bear says: "Are you sure? I mean, i'm not a grizzly bear, or a brown bear, or a honey bear, or any other sort of bear?"
And his mother says: "Of course you're not. You are a very beautiful little baby polar bear. If you don't believe me, go and ask your father."

So the little polar bear trots off across the ice-floe, to see his dad, who is fishing by the water's edge, and tugging at tthis dad's fur he says: "Dad, dad, dad, am I a real polar bear?"
And his father replies: "Of course you are."
And the little polar bear says: "Are you sure? I'm not a kodiak bear, or a black bear, or a koala bear or anything like that?"
And his father says: "No, of course you're not. You're a polar bear. Why do you ask?"

To which the little polar bear replies: "Well, i'm bloody freezing!"
two parrots were sittin on a perch
one turns to the other an says 'can you smell fish?'

i went climbing the other day
said to teh guy above 'OI i dont like altitude'

sent my mate a load of snow
called him up an said 'd'ya get my drift'

two nuns driving down a country lane, all of a sudden a vampire jumps on the bonnet
'Quick' said the driver nun 'show it your cross'
the other nun lent out of the window an said 'GET OF THE FUCKIN CAR YOU TOSSER'
a joke.....

now its ur turn...
Buddhist buys a pint, waits for his change...
Barman looks at him and says "sorry mate, change comes from within."
Buddhist walks into a burger bar, and goes up to the counter.

'I'll have a burger please'

'Ok, and what would you like on that?'

'Make me one with everything'

what do David Beckham and Ferrera Roche chocolates have in common?

they both come in a posh box..