if men wrote advice columns..

lurk

Stunning Cunt
Q. My Husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing… your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old university room mates involved too? If you are still apprehensive maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. Or, alternatively, if you're still not sure just perform oral sex on him (making sure to swallow!) and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q. My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q. My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle a relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q. My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it on your own time or ask your best friend for help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q. My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should: he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q. My husband always rolls over and goes to sleep after sex

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
 
M

makdaddy

Guest
:irofl::irofl::irofl::irofl: *cuts / pastes and emails to girlfriend*
 

grokit23

God mintsmak
:ilol:
 

Alan

ItDoesWhatItSaysOnTheTin
mmm...dinner :irofl:
 

Noein

noemata
if men wrote advice columns..
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 I soon noticed that thenew program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of spaceand valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into allother programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications suchas Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, ! And Racing3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run myfavourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, butthe uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! ! Thanks, Troubled User.. _____________________________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it isjust a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEMand is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossibleto delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible touninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to notallow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-ChildSupport. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving thesituation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" toalleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE becauseultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the systemwill return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will causethe system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the onlyway to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additionalsoftware. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With ShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will causeirreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support
 
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