Marriage :)

Ratty

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You have two choices in life:

You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

***

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

***

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:

"Husband Wanted".

Next day she received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing:

"You can have mine."

***

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

***

A woman is incomplete until she is married.

Then she is finished.

***

A little boy asked his father,

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied,

"I don't know son, I'm still paying."

***

Young son:

"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad:

That happens in every country, son."

***

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

***

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence

***

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

***

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking

they had no faults at all.

***

First guy:

"My wife's an angel!"

Second guy:

"You're lucky, mine's still alive."

***

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with

a bald head and a beer gut, >> and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

***

Innit :Smile3:
 

crisps

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lol.... nice ones ratty!!!

and they all sound pretty true.... :lolololo:
 

crisps

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that puts me off marriage....
... but then again puts me on it too....

hmmm....
 

MoonWatcher

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:lol1: :lol1: - nice one rattypeep, i have to pinch that and forward it to a few chosen people who i know will fall about laughing! Interesting to see a guy put it up - you must be one of those elusive - "nice guys"! :Wink3: :lol1:
 

Burt

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yAy! that was good for a 6am nocturnal chuckle :Grin:

im never getting married ever.. not to the right man, or the left man. so i can laugh at these jokes :hehe:
 

lala69

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Golaf - I love that avatar... one of my fave Van Gogh paintings!! Sorry, off topic...

Definition of a bridegroom? A vibrator with a wallet.
 

Squagnut

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lala69 said:
Golaf - I love that avatar... one of my fave Van Gogh paintings!! Sorry, off topic...

Definition of a bridegroom? A vibrator with a wallet.
Definition of a bride? A wankrag that can cook :Wink3:
 

lala69

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YEah yeah... like: what do you do if your woman walks in front of the telly naked while you're watching footie? Shorten the chain, what's she doing out of the kitchen anyway?
 

Squagnut

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Exactly. Women's rights - what's that all about then? We made the shackles more comfortable. What next?
 

Squagnut

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Mmmm.... cyanic acid...

There was a young fellow from Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked, "Why the third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
 

Ratty

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Love is a like pack of cards,

you need a heart to love,
a diamond to marry her,
a club to bash her head in
and a spade to bury her :lol:


(Courtesy Jack Dee actually :Wink3: )
 
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