Musical Definitions


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  • A Flat - A cheap residence
  • A Minor - Someone who digs coal
  • Alto - A person afraid of heights
  • Bach - The sound a dog makes
  • Bar - Place to buy a drink
  • Baroque - Penniless Blue
  • Note - £5
  • Chopin - What you have to do with firewood
  • Chorale - Place where horses hang out
  • Chords - Little bits of string or rope
  • Clarinet - Mr Net’s daughter Clari
  • Crotchet - A type of needlework
  • Cymbals - Little pictures that mean things
  • Da Capo - A type of coffee
  • Diatonic - A low fat drink
  • Fret - To get upset Full Score - Ten out of ten
  • Lute - Lots of money
  • Lyre - Telling ‘Porky Pies’
  • Major Key - A general in the Korean army
  • Measure - Amount of alcohol
  • Midi - A small glass of beer
  • Mozart - Mosquito’s paintings
  • Opera - An American Talk Show Host
  • Pitch - The black stuff they put on roads
  • Sharp - Pointy
  • Sonata - Frank. . .’Ole Blue Eyes’
  • Staff - A big stick
  • Symphony - To feel sad for someone
  • Trombone - Attached to the thigh bone
:lol1: Hehe...made me laugh :Grin:

I remember my old flute teacher had a poster with about 100 of these on there...some were great.
Heh heh

Timbre - a piece of wood
Tone - Our Prime Minister
Delay Unit - Because I am nowhere near an orgasm
Square wave - for unhip surfers
Beethoven's Fifth - so he's not getting a medal then
Liszt - goes with Chopin
Sheet music - Skazi killlla remix
Put this up before I think.. it's vaguely similar :


The Top 40 Signs That You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers
Too Long:

40. You not only tap in time to the indicators on your car, but know
how many BPM they flash at.

39. You go to hear an orchestra with your girlfriend, and while she
listens to the beautiful music, you calculate the polyphony required
to reproduce it.

38. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you also have one marked

37. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your TB-303.

36. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.

35. Your cat's name is Octave.

34. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you turn
the knob...

33. Your girlfriend/wife drapes a wig over your favorite synth to remind
you what she looks like.

32. You step out of your studio and realize that your family moved and you
don't have a clue when it happened.

31. You have "Frequency" and "Resonance" tattooed above your nipples.
(Don't ask where the pitchbend is...)

30. Your daughter's new boyfriend has tattoos, rides a Harley, and doesn't
have a job. But you don't mind because his name is Roland.

29. Your telephone answering machine message took 2 days to write and

28. There is no couch, coffee table, dinner table or chairs in your
apartment; only racks, mixers, keyboards, cables and power cords.

27. You have bass bins for end tables.

26. It is dangerous to walk around in your own living room at night.
(See 2

25. There's a giant yellow ball in the sky, and your not quite sure
what it is, but when you go outside it burns out you retinas and
makes your skin glow.

24. You wait until 12:01 A.M. to read the on-line music classified
ads and can effectively scan them in under a minute.

23. You never answer the phone. (Hmm...I wonder if it's to get
people to listen to the answering message you spent so much time on
in 29?)

22. When all your significant other has to say, "Oh no, not another
one" and you know what they're talking about.

21. If you just like to sit in the dark and watch all the pretty
lights blink and glow.

20. If you perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".

19. You would rather fiddle with your synthesizer's knobs than
fiddle with your girlfriend's/wife's knobs.

18. Somehow, you haven't been able to budget for clothes for 2+
years, but you have found thousands of dollars to buy gear.

17. Your girlfriend/wife goes to bed, You go to your STUDIO.

16. Your friends say "Why would you pay $XXX for that piece of
crap?" and you glare back and actually get offended...

15. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear...

14. You prefer "analog" instead of "digital" home appliances
because 'they just work better '

13. You start wondering if you can obtain a 24 db neural implant to
filter your ever-increasing tinnitus problem.

12. You devise a method of connecting your CV sequencer to a mains
relay to trigger the coffee machine every 1,024 gate pulses

11. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturers logo
on it. You scam them for free every trade show you attend. This
allows more money for the important things in life.

10. Your wife/girlfriend leaves you. You go into a depression for a
while, then decide you can win her back with a simple, touching and
heartfelt song, written especially for her. 6 months later, you are
still mixing it.

9. You go to a trade show. You rush over to the brand new synth on
display, fiddle for 5 minutes, declare it "a piece of crap" and then
go on to tell the company reps how it works, where the PCM samples
came from, and offer to do them better samples from your own analog
wardrobes, all in a very loud voice. They give you an embroidered
tour jacket on the condition that you go away NOW. (see 11)

8. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.

7. First thing you think of after sex is turning on your synths.

6. You get excited about talking electronic toys and try to subvert
them into saying bad words or doing weird stuff so you can sample

5. You dream of finding a $50.00 Moog 55 at a garage sale, and after
you've thought of it, you stop at every one you see!

4. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet to show

3. Your monthly power bill is always in the triple digits.

2. You have a rack-mounted microwave oven.

...and the the #1 sign that you've been hanging around synths and
samplers too long:
-You understand every last term and joke used in this article!

JPsychodelicacy said:
Put this up before I think.. it's vaguely similar :

So did I, but it seems appropriate... :p

41. You don't hear the words to any of the songs on the radio because you spend all your time working out how many hi-hat samples they use and how long the patterns are.
42. You hear a whooshy noise in a club and shout 'Enigma!'
43. When your friends are DJing at a party you are constantly leaning over the DJ mixer to tweak the eq - 'just to get the best out of the sound system'.
44. When DJing you ALWAYS only run the mixer as loud as the sound engineer says you should.
45. You know exactly how GMS made that sound.
46. Dick Trevor pesters you on MSN for technical advice.
47. You have a bank of your own original sounds for the FM7.
48. You can make your computer speak without using a speech synthesis program.
49. You get to visit the Cistine Chapel and the first thing you do is clap your hands, listen and say, "Hmmmm..."
50. You know the resonant frequency of your girlfriend's foofoo.