I like to eat cookie dough.
I don't understand why whomever invented cookies decided to actually cook the cookie dough. Why not just eat the dough? It's clearly much better than stupid cookies, so why bother? Once you've got the dough, fuck it, you're done!
Whenever I eat raw cookie dough though, there always seems to be someone standing around who will undoubtably give me the following warning as if I have been living on another planet for the duration of my short life:
"Don't eat cookie dough! It has raw eggs! You could get food poisioning! Sweet Merciful Christ!"
Meanwhile a lit cigarette dangles freely from their lip as a syringe full of heroin hangs out of their arm, swaying to and fro as they fellate a homeless man outside in the cold with wet hair dressed in white after Labor Day..