Top 10 Smart arse answers


Senior Member
Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat.... she said, "Sir, I need to see your
ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a
stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says.
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."


Pantheistic Cyberneticist
When I was at Uni I lived with a guy called Jude who was the KING of smart-arse answers ... two classics of his:

1. In the pub. Drunk bloke at the bar was railing on about how crap his life was and said "I've lost my job, my wife, my house ..."
Jude: "Have you tried down the back of the sofa ?"

2. At the barbers. Cheery scouse barber with radio up full, talking very loudly about the football with the bloke in the chair. It's Jude's turn next.
Barber: "So how do you want your hair cut ?"
Jude: "In silence ..."


this is true ....

A very irate man storms his way up to the front of the airline desk queue in a busy airport after he discovers his plane is over booked .....

The Airline hostess calmy explains that unfortunately he will have to go to the back of the queue and take his chances on getting one of the last seats like everyone else ......

the man reacts badly !

"Do you know who I am ?" screams the irate business man.

Unflinchingly the Airline Hostess picks up the tannoy mic and calmy makes an announcment to the effect of .....

"There is man at the desk who does not know who he is ...... if anyone can help please contact us on ext blah blah blah ....."

to this the man responds ...

"Fuck you !"

Again the hostess calmy responds

"I'm afraid you'll find there's a queue for that too sir"

:lol: :P


"have you been a fascist all your life or did you just receive a hefty blow to the head?"

"your mum"


mr cool answers everything i say with "your mum"