These days, pressure to do drugs is all around, so it's vital that you reach your kids early. Here are some tips for talking to them about marijuana and other illegal substances.
* Before engaging in any stressful discussion with your children, take a moment to smoke a bowl or two to relax.
* Today's kids place an emphasis on good "vibes" in a conversational setting. Accentuate the site of your talk with black-light posters and lava lamps. Keep the lighting dim, hanging wall-sized tie-dyes or tapestries over exterior windows to blot out all sunlight.
* Explain that only lowlifes like pro athletes and rock stars use drugs.
* As an alternative to drugs, suggest cool drug-free activities, like making a bird feeder out of a milk carton or interviewing local seniors about what the olden days were like.
* As an alternative to harmful drugs like marijuana, encourage your kids to experiment with safe, legal substances like cigarettes and alcohol.
* If your child must use drugs, make it a culturally enriching experience by hiring a certified shaman to take him/her on a traditional peyote vision quest.
* Be direct, brief, and to the point. Remember, you only have about 45 minutes or so before the acid really starts to kick in.