Whats the best joke youv'e ever heard?

lala69

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How do you sell a frog to a deaf person?

(Shout at top of voice) WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A FROG?!!!!!!

Has to be said, though. In a crowded place.
 

Gajo

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A man sat watching the news about an escaped bear looks out of his window and sees it asleep in a tree, in the garden.
One quick call and the bear catcher arrives with a net, a jack russell, and a shot gun.
The man checks out the plan.

Bear Catcher - "I shimmy up the tree. Shake the branch so the bear falls out of the tree. The jack russell bites the dogs balls, when it faints you throw the net over it!"

Man - "So whats the shotgun for?"

B.C. - "If I fall out that tree for F***ks sake shoot the jackrussell".
 

eskatonia

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ok... I like this one for real....

A rabbit running through the forest stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint. The rabbit says, “Don’t do that. Come running with me. It’s much more fun!†The deer takes off with the rabbit.

They come across an elephant doing coke. “Come running with us, elephant,†says the rabbit. “You’ll feel so good!†The elephant decides to join in the fun.

The animals encounter a lion about to shoot up. Before the rabbit can say anything, the lion knocks it unconscious.

The deer screams, “Lion, what are you doing? He’s trying to help us!†The lion answers, “The fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he tkes Ecstasy!â€
 

TranceVisuals

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Man has brain tumour from taking too many psychedelics.. all his family are gathered around,
and his friends.. it looks like his last rites are needed...

The Doctor comes in....
They all look up at her hopefully.

She sighs.
"Well there is one thing we can do for him! It's a radical brain transplant"

"Really will that work? Will that be him still afterwards?"

"Waffle quantum buggery, something about soul transference, yeah whatever, yes!"
"Only one problem" the doctor carries on.
"It is rather expensive to buy brains for transplant. It would cost around £3,000,000
for a male one, but the good news is a female one would only cost £20,000."

At this point all the men in the room burst into hysterics...

The one lady asks
"Why so much less for a woman's brain?"

The Doctor looks at her squarely, and smiles...
"It because the females haven't been used so much."
 

notmushroom

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What noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster...

Not funny as such but I like how it sounds...a noiza noiza noiza noizsta
 

opia

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notmushroom said:
What noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster...

Not funny as such but I like how it sounds...a noiza noiza noiza noizsta
my favourite yet :wub:
 
M

makdaddy

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a bloke walks into the doctors wrapped from head to toe in cling film..
...doctor says "i can clearly see your nuts" !
 

eskatonia

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yodhe said:
heard about the dog who thought he was god? :Wink3:
No, but I've got this friend who's a Dyslexic Agnostic Insomiac...






He lies awake all night wondering if there is a dog.....





And then there was the buddhist monk walked into a Pizza Parlour and said "make me one with everything".....
 
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