Whats the best joke youv'e ever heard?

skyrise

Just a Happy Camper
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3 students are sitting in the pub one day, discussing the rather messy night before.

The first one says: "Last night I was so drunk that I pulled the ugliest girl you've ever seen and when I got home I threw up."

The second one says: "So what, that's nothing.....Last night i was so drunk that I pulled a really ugly girl and I didn't even make it home, I woke up on a bench, but when I got home in the morning, I was sick everywhere."

The third one says: "That's tame!.....Last night i was so drunk that when I got home I blew chunks"

Confused, the other two lads look at him and one says "How is that worse than our stories?.....we were in a much worse state."

And after a slight pause, the third student replied: "Chunks is my dog!"

nice to see that we can still expect the usual filthy low standard from you Mr G
 

psy Che

Sometimes remembers
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A dwarf gets lucky and takes the woman home with him. She gets up on the bed and he attaches 4 springs to his legs and feet. He bounces across to her and bounces up and down, screwing her really hard and she's loving it, she has orgasm after orgasm. Finally he stops and bounces off her. She says, that's the best screw I've ever had it was amazing. I never knew sex could be so good - How did you find out about the springs?













It's my four spring dwarf technique!
 

dr Gre

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My 1st ever post:
Why do farts smell?











For the benefit of the deaf.


2 dyslexics sitting in a bar. One says "Can you smell something?"

His mate replies "Something? I can't even smell my own name."
 

mr_faster

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not the best jokes ever, but i couldnt be arsed to start a new thread and the general quality in this thread is rather disputible!


I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best Before End'

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"



....oh dear...
 

psy Che

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ahhh that one made me think of tommy cooper :ilol:

Actually, most of them sound brilliant if you imagine him doing them.

If I tried, I'm sure the music would stop, people would turn and look at me and after 10
seconds of silence, tumbleweed would slowly drift past my feet as I attempt to have a sip
of beer from a very empty glass.
 
J

JP

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ok... I like this one for real....

A rabbit running through the forest stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint. The rabbit says, “Don’t do that. Come running with me. It’s much more fun!†The deer takes off with the rabbit.

They come across an elephant doing coke. “Come running with us, elephant,†says the rabbit. “You’ll feel so good!†The elephant decides to join in the fun.

The animals encounter a lion about to shoot up. Before the rabbit can say anything, the lion knocks it unconscious.

The deer screams, “Lion, what are you doing? He’s trying to help us!†The lion answers, “The fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he takes Ecstasy!â€


Now thats funny :irofl:
 
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