Received these in my mail .. made me giggle
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling
entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by
Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear
that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?
1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France? F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name? Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? Jock
9) Some famous brothers? Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race? The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach? A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with
16) A famous bridge? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does? Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom? Decorate
19) A method of securing your home? Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs? The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac? April
22) Something people might be allergic to? Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep
24) Something you put on walls? A roof
25) Something slippery? A conman
26) A kind of ache? A fillet of fish
27) A jacket potato topping? Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white? A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? Bananas
30) Something red? My sweater
RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True
Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV
show, so I'll give you that.
BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?